Adam and the Milkmen
In the time before time, within the beyond beyond the beyond, between the spaces between spaces, in a place where it's so dark it makes dark things look not so dark, where happiness is no longer happiness and the happy people are sadder than sad things could ever be, a place where a young creature known only as an Adam is the only brave thing to walk the darker than dark streets and hunt for food that is scarce and mostly toxic due to the sadder than sad sadness that has shaken this land beyond the beyond.
The Adam was once part of a ferocious tribe known as, The Milkmen. They were a powerful race who delivered the sweet nectar of their beloved deity throughout the land. Their deity was a strange and wonderous creature with dark eyes and a blotted red udder and she was known only as, Cow.
Now, the Milkmen adored their goddess and worshipped her religiously, however there was one; a reckless young Milkman who didn't agree with the terms and conditions set out by Cow. His name was Angus, a sexually frustrated and horny young Milkman with a constant need to stroke himself in a place where stroking stimulates pleasure in the brain and, of course, other regions. This young man performed the ultimate act of treachery and defected to the Milkmen's sworn enemies, the Eggmen.
These vulgar creatures had spawned from the yolky innards of their terribly terrible demonic lord, Chicken.
Young Angus had to be initiated into the folds of the Eggmen. What he would have to do would change the fate of the land between the space between spaces.
The Eggmen, noticing Angus' thirst for sexual explicitness, decided to harness his perverted prowess and ordered him to have his way with Cow. Angus jumped at the chance to please his new brothers and, sneaking into Cows impenetrable fortress that was conveniently penetrable at the time, he penetrated Cow in a place not yet penetrated.
Cow, still being slightly intoxicated from the previous nights frivolity at the Milkbar, did not feel a thing, but this could also be blamed on Angus and him having a smaller than small reproductive organ.
After his repulsive crime, Angus became a fully-fledged member of the Eggmen clan.
Nine months later, almost to the day, Cow was destroyed from the inside out as the twisted, deformed son of Angus exploded from its mothers womb. The creature was half man, half cow; huge, with great curling horns, but letdown by its hereditary smaller than small reproductive organ. This creature, this loathsome, vulgar being, this was the Minotaur.
It destroyed everything in its path. Starting with the Milkmen and, just like a bull in a china shop, destroyed everything in its path. It annihilated the forests, molested the mountains and drained the oceans. Nobody stood a chance. Without the sweet sweet nectar of Cow, the land was plunged into a state of sadness that was so sad it made sad things look not so sad.
Just before she died and passed into the great nothing, Cow passed a coin, a golden coin stamped with the face of an unknown monarch, to a young boy called Adam. Her dying words were, 'Mooo...oooo....oo....,' and she passed.
Adam knew what he must do, and now we join him on his journey across the darker than dark land. He has traversed the snowcapped tops of the Cheesy Mountains; braved the rumors about the Beef Jerky Woods; and swam the full length of the Ketchup ocean.
He has battled his way through countless enemies and now comes to stand before his greatest foe, Angus and his son, Minotaur.
They stood between him and his way out of the world he loved and now hated. No words were spoken, but the battle was epic and I wish I could remember the details. Adam won of course and he broke free of the dark that was darker than dark, and passed through the beyond beyond the beyond and squeezed through the spaces between spaces and finally broke the surface of the world and was blinded by the extraordinary lights and colours that met his eyes.
Adam scrambled out of the fold and fell to his knees. The sky was the bluest blue he had ever seen and the air made clean things seem not so clean. Then Adam spotted it. The Spar, Cow had called it. In there was the nectar, and in Adams pocket was the means to get it. He extracted the coin with the monarchs face stamped on it and entered the shop.
Before him, in rows and rows and rows, were bottles of Cows nectar. Staggering forth, he picked one from the shelf and approached the woman behind the counter. 'One-twenty,' she droaned. Adam gave her the coin. 'One-twenty,' she repeated. 'This isn't enough.'
'Aww, for fuck sake!' Adam moaned. He snatched the coin back and left.
Outside there was a young blonde woman. 'Hi,' she said, 'my name's Dakota, do you like to dance?'
Adam smiled.
The End
In : Adam and the Milkmen